Amanda Seales on self care and wellness

"Insecure" actress Amanda Seales discusses how she's coping during the pandemic, and concrete things she is doing to stay calm, fulfilled and happy. Seales spoke with Yahoo as part of the Built By Girls Summit 2020.

Video transcript

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BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Hello, everyone. My name is Brittany Jones Cooper. I'm a reporter at Yahoo, and I'm super pumped to chat with Amanda today. But first I want to give you guys a quick reminder. If you have a question for Amanda, make sure you hit that Q&A button and drop it in.

And while you're in there, answer the poll question, which is, what's-- Amanda. Hey, how you doing?

AMANDA SEALES: I couldn't hear you for the last couple seconds, so I don't know if I missed anything.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: No, I think I was weirdly muted because technology is an enemy for me today.

AMANDA SEALES: Yes. Well, you know, Mercury is the retrograde till November 3, so--

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Thank you. That's what it is. I was telling people about the poll we have about what is their biggest stressor and to remind them to go fill that out. And then we'll come back and get the results towards the end of your interview.

But Amanda, I don't know if you remember. I chatted with you last year, and you have been so busy.

AMANDA SEALES: [INAUDIBLE]. Yes. Why does it keep muting you?

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Mercury-- Mercury in retrograde. OK, I'm back. Can you hear me now?

AMANDA SEALES: Yes.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: OK. So you've been so busy over the last two years. You wrote a book. Your HBO special is more topical than ever. You're acting on "Insecure." You're hosting everything from the BET Awards to your podcast. I mean, in the conversation about wellness, is being so busy something that energizes you, or is it exhausting?

AMANDA SEALES: I think, like, in a singular way, it energizes. But there's just so many other things that come along with being that busy and with being busy in the particular space that I'm in. You know, the entertainment business is not for the faint of heart, and particularly my interaction with social media.

So I think that's really just not-- just the busy part because there's something that is very fulfilling about being in purpose. And, you know, when you've worked, like, your whole life to get these opportunities, it's not draining as much as it's, like, invigorating to get to see them come to fruition. It's the side effects of those things that can really wear you out. And that's where I think a lot of folks, you know, you don't know until you get there like what those things are. And so they kind of blindside you. And that's really where you're like, oh, OK.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Right. And on top of all of that, which, like you said, it's good. It's fulfilling. But then we have-- I don't know what's happening. I'll keep an eye on it. All those stressors going on, but on top of that, you have the pandemic, and you have police brutality, and the fight for civil rights.

So I'm a big fan of yours. I've been following your IG Stories for the last few months. But for those who are unfamiliar, just how emotional has the last six months been for you? How have you been dealing with that?

AMANDA SEALES: Well, it's a roller coaster. It's a roller coaster. I think, you know, there's just a lot of things that I feel like I'm trying to manage on a daily basis, both emotionally and mentally, and then even physically. Because, you know, there's just something lacking in not being able to go places and, you know, perform in the way that I'm used to, you know, performing. And then I had a whole issue with my vocal cords, and I had to have surgery on my vocal cords, and I couldn't talk for two weeks.

And, you know, like, I mean, I couldn't talk for two weeks leading up to it. Then I had the surgery. Then I couldn't talk for another two weeks. You know, so it's like, there is a lot of things going on internally. But then externally, just the uncertainty of just it seems like every day you've got to brace yourself for, like, what is going to come today.

And it could be something from, you know, Mother Earth. It could be something from this ridiculous administration. Like, you just-- so I think for me and a lot of other folks, there's-- it just feels like you're on shaky ground. And that can feel very unsettling and cause a lot of anxiety.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Yeah. Which is, I think, why-- what I've learned from you during this time is to be on my trampoline.

AMANDA SEALES: Ah!

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: And for me it's a metaphor, and I use it all the time. But for you it's something very literal. So can you take me through the idea behind being--

AMANDA SEALES: That mic. That mic don't want you to win.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: I'm just-- it is a struggle [INAUDIBLE], Amanda. Yeah, so just tell me about-- the trampoline moment for me is like, for real, I use it all the time. And for you it's something that you do literally. So why is that an outlet for you, and how important is that?

AMANDA SEALES: Well, unfortunately I can't have a trampoline in LA because the way my house is set up, I'm on, like, a hill, so it would be pretty dangerous. But I-- when I was home for the quarantine at my mother's house in Orlando-- look at that double.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Yes.

AMANDA SEALES: When I was home at my mother's house in Orlando, you know, I grew up in that house, and I always had a trampoline. I mean, I begged and begged and begged and begged and begged and finally got a trampoline when I was younger. And I swore by it. And I would just be out there, like, all day. And it was really a great energy release.

And so when I was there at the house doing quarantine this time, I mean, I was home for three months. And I have not lived in my mother's house for three months since I left in 1999. So I think I kind of regressed a little bit, you know? Like, I just, like, went back to '99.

And I think the other part of it, though, was not just regressing in terms of, like, a youthful way, but just remembering that this was like this, like, little safe space that I had. And so I bought a trampoline. It took a month to arrive. I put it together.

And you know what it is? I think for me it's like the weightlessness. Being able to jump and, like, have that kind of weightlessness makes me feel very free and very, like, joyful. And, you know, it's like my own Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory moment. And then I was able to, like, get my skills back and, like, even surpass-- I surpassed myself from when I was younger and had a trampoline.

So there was a certain level of, like, self-- just, like, you know I always say, like, venture to impress yourself. You have a certain sense of self-fulfillment that would happen every time I would, like, push myself to add another half twist or, you know, do another flip. And I'm like [JOYFUL EXCLAMATION].

You know, so we need those little moments, especially in these times. You realize that you have to search within you for so much of the thing that externally you used to depend on because they're just not there anymore, or they're-- they're not they're in the same way. And so for someone like me who performs and gets so much energy back from being able to make people laugh and being able to make people think, you know, I can't really do that in the same way. But I still need to feel fulfilled. And I have to figure out how to do that myself. And the trampoline was doing that.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: I think that is the realest thing. I don't have a trampoline, but I've been getting back into pottery, which is something I did growing up.

AMANDA SEALES: Ooh, yeah I can't do pottery. I can't do it.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: And it's just both, like you said, I'm doing better than I used to do. But it's something about challenging yourself but also engaging in something creative when you can't really change what's going on in the world around you, you know.

AMANDA SEALES: I literally-- people always ask me, like, what can't you do? I'm like, pottery. That's not my bag.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Oh, you could do it.

AMANDA SEALES: I've done it. It's not my bag.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Not that you can't do it. OK. I trust you. It's all in the neck movement.

AMANDA SEALES: I said, why is this-- why is this warbling? Whatever.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Yeah, it's a thing I love so much. But what are some other things that you do? Maybe your top three wellness go-tos for when you just can't deal and you've got to focus on Amanda?

AMANDA SEALES: I got this, like, punching bag from Amazon. You fill up-- fill up the base with water. So I go and punch that. I've really been trying to meditate more. I'm not good at it. So I've been trying to just find, like, better ways to be better at it.

You know, I-- like, I talk to myself in the mirror. And what I've found is that when I repeat these affirmations to myself in the mirror, it kind of sends me into a meditation. So I kind of let myself go with that. And I started doing puzzles.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: I just saw that on your Instagram.

AMANDA SEALES: Yeah, the puzzles--

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: [INAUDIBLE].

AMANDA SEALES: --[INAUDIBLE] be like, it's a nice little-- it's a different thing. And I wouldn't have-- I just wouldn't have considered it before because, you know, I used to not have time, and also it, like, takes up space. But since I'm in the house so much, I've been, like, you know, creating kind of like these different spaces throughout the house of creativity and of kind of like wellness spaces.

Like, you know, I bought this cabana thing. And let me tell you, like, because of where I'm at in my career, I do have a certain level of economic freedom that allows me to buy these things, you know, that can aid in my wellness. But I also think that one of the biggest things is, like, I've been trying to look at my consumerism and really explore like, OK, well, what are the ways, though, that you can bring yourself the same feelings of peace and stillness, et cetera, without having to buy some?

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Right.

AMANDA SEALES: You know, and really trying to be better about looking at how I engage with nature. You know, so I started planting, which is still buying things, but you don't have to, like-- you don't have to-- you don't have to, you know? You can get plants without having to buy them. But just, like, how I-- I try to go for walks, you know, and, like, just trying to simplify.

And part of that is me also just looking at, like, how I interact with the world as an American. And I think there's things that we do as Americans that are-- you know, that we take for granted that are not only harmful to, like, the greater-- the world, but ourselves.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Absolutely. I do like that simplicity note, just kind of going back to basics, which I think so many people are being forced to do. But I think it can be a really conscious thing as well, you know.

AMANDA SEALES: I just have so many shoes. Like, I don't need this many shoes. And, listen, it's not about even need, right? Like-- because I think that's the other thing, too. Like people will tell you, like, you don't need that. And it's like, yeah, but, you know, you also, like, want to be able to want, you know?

Like, you know, for what it's worth, when we see people who are in need, we want to do what we can to get them out of that space. Because living in a place of need and necessity can be incredibly stressful and taxing. So you want to be able to have surplus.

So it's not always about me. But I will say, like, I've been just kind of, like, looking around, like, when you going to wear these shoes?

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: But you might. And I know you're a hip hop head, so I know you have them in every color.

AMANDA SEALES: Oh, no, [INAUDIBLE]. I'm talking about-- I'm not even talking about sneakers.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: OK, just shoes. Like sandals? Like how many pairs of sandals do you have?

AMANDA SEALES: Heels. Heels. You know, I love a Gucci shoe. I love all the-- you know, and then they're like, Amanda is woke. She shouldn't be wearing Gucci. I'm like, Dapper Dan is literally designer. Like, it's just-- it's a thing. It's a thing.

But a part of it is because I went for a long time without-- you know, like, I had a desire for these things and I couldn't afford them. And once I could it was just like-- I just went rapper mode, just buying shit just to-- sorry-- buying things just to buy them. And, you know, you grow out of that, if you're lucky.

So I feel very lucky that I feel myself ascending out of that and seeing how there could be more value in, like, me using my creativity to fulfill me again in a way that I just don't feel like I have been doing in the past couple years.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: To quote "Insecure," that's growth, and I appreciate that. I know that you also talked about going to therapy. So how does that fit into your wellness routine, and what has been your experience with therapy?

AMANDA SEALES: You know, therapy is very important for me because it allows me to see things in a very, like, logical way that are seemingly unmanageable for me. And I'm a very logical thinker. So, like, I can really understand things and how to manage them better when they're just, like, presented to me in a certain fashion.

And, like, I was watching this, like, video the other day about-- where this woman was explaining that the hippocampus, which is a portion of your brain, the way that the hippocampus functions is how it-- you know, and she was explaining its relationship to memory. And the way that it functions is that, you know, when you are in an experience and your body releases cortisone-- cortisol?

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Cortisol.

AMANDA SEALES: Cortisol in that experience, your body marks that as a time like, hey, I don't want that to-- I don't want to have to release cortisol anymore. So there's a reason why we remember the bad things more than the good things. Because our body is, like, making a marker, like we don't want to feel that again.

And so sometimes, like, we feel bad about that. But, like, that's just an example of, like, me, like, learning, like, the mechanism of my body so that when I react a certain way or I feel a certain way, I feel more in control of how I can reposition that, how I can re-fire. And therapy does that for me all the time.

You know, like, I didn't realize I was a codependent, you know. And I didn't realize, like, the ways in which that was holding me back from things that I wanted for myself. I didn't realize the way that was, you know, affecting the person that I'm presenting outwardly versus the person that I am inwardly.

And being able to speak to somebody who's objective, being able to speak to somebody who, their vest-- their literal vested interest in you is-- is you. You know, there's no ulterior motive-- is something that is a unique space that I think a lot of people are afraid to step into because, you know, they feel like it's a stranger, and maybe they're not going to, like, respect you. Or, you know, maybe they don't want-- you don't want to reveal secrets about yourself to this person.

And I would say to everybody, you know, give it a shot. And give it more than one shot. Because not-- you're not going to always find you first-- your best-- you're not always going to find your therapist right out the gate.

Like, I've gone through a few different therapists. I've had therapists that worked for a certain amount of time, and then I just felt like this-- you know, that we had hit-- you know, we had hit our wall. The therapist that I see right now is somebody who I had started seeing in New York, and then I came to LA, and then I would have calls with her.

But then I was like, I need somebody in person. And then I eventually just ended up going back to her. And so we've been going strong. And, you know, she really knows my journey.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Mm, yeah.

AMANDA SEALES: But it's not-- it's not to be stigmatized anymore. Like, therapy should be something that you're very openly talking about. And it really should be something that you consider cool. Like, to me, at this point when I hear someone talk about going to therapy, I know that that's a different kind of person.

Like, my judgment of that person levels up. Because I'm like, that's somebody who is being responsible about their wellness, which when you're response about your own wellness, that is a sign of how you being responsible in the world. Because you're taking care of yourself, which means you are going to be a better addition to this society. And I like that.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Yeah, it's self-awareness. It's learning to take responsibility for your actions and to pay attention. And I'm with you. Like, I did therapy in my early 20s. It completely changed the course of my 20s. And I spread it around to everybody. I tell everybody.

AMANDA SEALES: I wish I had started earlier. I wish I had started earlier. I didn't start going to therapy till I was like 34. So, but I can imagine, like, I mean, that's so incredible that you went in your early 20s. Because, you know, your 20s are such an incredible time. It's like your first step into adulthood, but you're still, like, really easily influenced.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Oh, yeah.

AMANDA SEALES: Because you're still a blank canvas. So when you have-- when you have the ability to sit with somebody and, like, really parse through, you know, these things that you're trying to figure out, and they're coming from a place of insight, of information, of wisdom, you can get that from your parents. You can get that from other people. But it's always going to have an extra layer or two or three or four when is coming from people close to you. You know?

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Absolutely. Absolutely. Did you find a Black therapist? Was that important for you?

AMANDA SEALES: It was incredibly important for me to find a Black therapist because I deal so much with race, not just in, like, my personal daily life, but in my professional life. And I wanted to be able to speak to someone who could relate and who I didn't have to, like, explain the nuances of that to.

Now, I have Black girls-- Black home girls who, you know, don't have Black therapists. And they're like, I love my therapist. It's perfectly fine. So, you know, that was just my own personal necessity.

And I have-- and I have spoken to therapists that are not Black women. I mean, they were lovely. It just-- there wasn't-- there just wasn't that connectivity there that I felt like I personally needed.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: It's different. You know, there's just things you don't have to explain to a Black female therapist. Like, she's going to understand it intrinsically. It just saves you time, you know.

AMANDA SEALES: It saves you time. And for what it's worth, it's not even just about, like, race as far as if we're talking about, like, you know, white or Black. Like, it's also just talking about, like, the issues within the Black community, right? Like being able to speak about the nuances of Black love, of relating to Black men and that uniqueness.

You know, if you are not a part of this experience, that might seem foreign to you. And it would, I feel like, kind of limit your capabilities of truly being able to see eye to eye with somebody who may not necessarily be, like, a really good articulator of those feelings, you know? So for me it was-- it was imperative, and it has made the difference.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Yeah. And I know you talk about your relationship with social media and therapy and how it kind of helped you through a difficult time with social media.

AMANDA SEALES: I mean, every time in social media is a difficult time.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: I'm sorry. What did you say?

AMANDA SEALES: Every time in social media is a difficult time. Let me just say that.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: I was going to say-- Yeah, your brand is so defined on social media, and I understand how important it is for you to use. But I also see the trolls. I see you struggling.

AMANDA SEALES: I'm going to get out. I'm going to get out.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Are you? Is that the plan?

AMANDA SEALES: I'm going to get-- well, of course. I mean, I'm almost 40. I'm going to get out. I mean, listen, it's really-- it's not even that-- it's not even that my brain is necessarily defined by social media. Because, for what it's worth, like, I just do a lot of things that have nothing to do with social media.

But it's really just about there's a certain, like, force at my back that always feels like I have to speak because the voices that are speaking loudly are so uninformed and are so lacking in morals and values and ethics that I'd be just feeling like if I don't speak, then I'm contributing to the resonance of this insolence. And so that's, you know, social media just becomes an easy place to do that, you know what I mean? Because it's naturally just broadcast out to the world.

But for what it's worth, you know, I've had to do certain things and create certain boundaries because when you put it out there, it's going to come back. And it's not always going to come back with love. You know, and it's-- and it's-- and it is a service. And I think a lot of people don't understand that.

You know, they think that you're doing it for clout or-- or for attention, not knowing that I don't want attention. Like, if I'm not on stage--

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: You're good.

AMANDA SEALES: I'm good. Like, I'm not-- I'm not an exhibitionist. I'm not a-- I'm not even an extrovert. You know, like, I'm in this house. I'm in this house.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: I can really dig that.

AMANDA SEALES: And when I say, like, oh, I want to go places, I don't mean parties. That's not where-- I'm like, I want to go to the zoo. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's-- that's what I'm talking about. So I just-- you know, and Charla had hit me the other day. And he was just like, social media is just such a miserable place.

And it's like, it really is. You know, for a lot of people, they use social media as a space to-- they use it as, like, their punching bag. They use it as a space to get all their toxicity out. And it's unfortunate because I think that there is something to be said for the connectivity of humanity.

So I started an app called SFB Society, which is a social media networking app. And it's membership only because we protect the borders. You know, and we really are very big on the interactions within that app being very positive and also being very respectful. So, like, our tagline is social media for folks that want conversation without confrontation.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Yes.

AMANDA SEALES: Because we wanted to create a safe space for people to be their full Black selves without feeling like they also have to, like, defend themselves at the same time, which we're already doing enough of.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: All the time. So, Amanda, we've got about five minutes left. I want to jump back to that poll that we asked at the beginning. We asked the Built By Girls audience what is their biggest stressor. And 42% said uncertainty around future and career. Same.

AMANDA SEALES: Really?

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Absolutely the same. You know, when you're in your early 20s, you're already so unsure about that stuff anyway, and then with everything going on-- we also have a question. Nafayil asks, how do I, as a woman of color, defeat imposter syndrome? Do you have an answer for that, Amanda?

AMANDA SEALES: Well, you've got to understand that that imposter syndrome is you internalizing white supremacy. So it's not naturally of you. That's something you have internalized from the world that we're in. So I would say that, you know, how do you defeat it is that you identify it as that. And when you identify it as that, it no longer becomes something of yours that you're trying to get rid of.

You realize it's a toxin. It's a cancer. It's a-- it's a-- what's the word I'm looking for? It's an invasive species in your body. So when you can identify it as that, it's easier to exercise it because you don't have to protect it. You don't have to engage and interact with it and preserve it.

So imposter syndrome is white supremacy telling you that you don't belong because you are not that. Well, we know that is not a fact. We know that's BS. So it is on you to identify that and swat it away, you know.

And you do that in a very grand way in the beginning. You know, you've got to tell yourself, like, no! Like, get out of here. But over time of you doing that practice, it becomes involuntary. It becomes something that's naturally-- and the next thing you know, you're not doing it at all.

Because what happens is your body and your mind start to understand just how separate it really is from that and how much it doesn't serve you.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Absolutely.

AMANDA SEALES: [INAUDIBLE] know that that is not you-- that's not yours to keep. Let that go.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: As you mentioned earlier, those positive affirmations, vision boards, whatever you've got to do to keep you reminded about who you are is important. Before we go, do you have just quick, just two tips, wellness tips, things that our viewers can do to feel good?

AMANDA SEALES: Post-it notes. Affirmations on Post-it notes. Put them around your bathroom mirror when you're in the morning brushing your teeth, getting ready. Read them out loud to yourself. Get yourself on a course of wellness out the door.

Second, you know, make a playlist of the music that gets you in a good mood. Make that playlist when you're in a good mood so that when you are not in a good mood, you can go right to that playlist. And, you know, when you're not in a good place, it can feel like the most arduous thing to do to even, like, press play on the playlist. But it's still something that you have at the ready and that you can utilize as a tool.

I just did an episode of my podcast "Small Doses." We did side effects of self care, so I have more tips on there as well. And I just wish all of you, you know, a good weekend. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay focused.

And just know that, like, all that uncertainty is something that's being shared by the world. So it's not yours to own. You can let it-- you can let it go. Enough of us are carrying it.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Absolutely. Well, Amanda, it's always a pleasure for me to chat with you. I want to thank you for sharing your authenticity, your intellect, and your emotion. It is deeply valued. And thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself. I appreciate it.

AMANDA SEALES: Thank you, Brittany. I appreciate you always keeping a safe space to do so.

BRITTANY JONES-COOPER: Absolutely. Take care.

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