How the 'Pink Skies Ahead' director filmed her own breakdown

Kelly Oxford, the director of the new film, Pink Skies Ahead, talked to Yahoo Entertainment about her own anxiety, how she copes, and how she filmed her own breakdown.

Video transcript

- Hey.

- Oh, my God. I haven't seen you since 12th grade. How are you?

- Oh, I'm in this panic disorder group. So not good.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ETHAN ALTER: Bringing up your own anxiety attack that you had. You've talked about that. You've written about it. What do you remember about that moment? Just that feeling of having a-- just this attack of anxiety?

KELLY OXFORD: I hear a lot that people think that they're dying. I didn't feel like I was dying. I felt more like I was, like, losing my mind. I was going crazy. It was very physical too, which I wasn't expecting.

With the heart palpitations, a disassociation from my own body, throwing up a lot. And there was nothing that was easing it. There was nobody home. It was the '90s. I couldn't text anybody.

I went upstairs to just try and get into my bed and go to sleep. And it was impossible. And I was crying, much like in the film, and getting sick. And that went on for you a few hours, off and on, until my parents came home. And I really wanted to portray that in the film, for what it was.

ETHAN ALTER: And at the time, did you understand what it was that you were experiencing? Did you have any conception of what this was?

KELLY OXFORD: I didn't think I was schizophrenic, because I knew enough about schizophrenia. But I felt like it was something like that. I hadn't even heard of a panic attack before I'd had one. My doctor did bring it up to me. And I was, like, Oh, that makes sense.

But I had never heard of anybody else having one. I had never seen it. I had never read about it. So I honestly thought making the movie set in a time like that would really help 20-year-olds today to see that that even around the time they were born, this was happening.

This isn't a new thing for just them. This has been happening forever to so many people. So I thought it was important to sort of set it in that time era as well.

ETHAN ALTER: When the time comes and you're on set, and you're looking to visualize this, what are some of the ways you thought about how to capture the experience? You knew what it was like living it, but putting that on screen for someone else--

KELLY OXFORD: Right.

ETHAN ALTER: It's a big responsibility.

KELLY OXFORD: Preproduction planned this the entire scene, shot for shot. Because I knew the location obviously. And where we were going to do it. And I really wanted to have a lot of light flare, because light-- your vision is strange.

I wanted to have, you know, the effect on the camera where it's blurry, and a lot of movement from her point of view. But to show her as raw as possible. Like as if you were in the room with her, watching her do these things.

So that the audience would feel it a little more. You know, feeling like they're in the room just watching her go through this and cutting in between her point of view. And then it took us a while to get the right type of ear ringing.

I mean, with sound it was really a long process to figure out what was going to sound right. Because there's so many different versions of it. Things that would make the audience kind of like, oh, like the sound is driving me crazy. So we went through a lot of ear ringing to figure out which one was going to fit.

ETHAN ALTER: In terms of directing Jessica through that scene, it must be hard telling someone, here's what I experienced. Now you have to go act that. How did you navigate that too together?

KELLY OXFORD: We had had conversations about panic attacks. And she suffers from anxiety as well. So between Jessica and I, I just wanted to make sure she felt comfortable. Because I knew she would be able to bring the emotion to the scene.

All of her emotions were, like, right on the surface. And she really cried for a lot of hours on set. And I really felt like the director and the mother of the scene and just made sure that she was OK throughout the whole thing.

And she wasn't feeling overwhelmed by, you know, like, Charlie having the camera near her. Or you know, lighting being too close to her. So I really-- that scene I took from a director's point of view.

ETHAN ALTER: Because she does suffer from anxiety herself, was it for you to even ask her to go to that place?

KELLY OXFORD: She was really excited to do this, just because she wanted to show people what it's like. It was-- I think it was a really fun challenge for her. And she-- I mean, she made it look like it wasn't even a challenge. Like she was crying like 20 minutes before we were even going to shoot.

ETHAN ALTER: The father-- he doesn't want to deal with it. He wants to say, Oh, no, you're fine. You know, he immediately pushes away. Is that something-- is that, again, based on your own experience?

KELLY OXFORD: Yeah, my dad couldn't handle it. And I think that's common for a lot of people, that there is one parent, maybe, that can't handle the emotionalness of it. It's too upsetting for them. Maybe they see themselves in it too much. And they're upset that their child is now suffering from the same thing they suffer from. So they they don't want to believe it's real, and it's really happening.

ETHAN ALTER: Was it your father in your own case? Or was it--

KELLY OXFORD: Yeah. And he's a very loving guy. He was just like, oh, my God, I can't be in this room right now with you screaming like-- I've got-- I can't see you like this. I need to get out of here.

- Can we get down to it, Dr. therapist woman. I don't think I have this anxiety thing.

ETHAN ALTER: The film is set in the '90s, which is obviously before the social media age. How has social media changed the landscape for how we talk about mental health and deal with it.

KELLY OXFORD: There's just so many different places to talk to people. There's so many groups that you can meet people online. Like, it's amazing. And you know, now if you get diagnosed with anxiety disorder, you can just go Google it. And back then you couldn't do that.

[LAUGHTER]

I thought I was the only one in the world that had it. I still think, you know, in America it's not accessible for a lot of people to get therapy, which is a problem. And even seeing a doctor is difficult in a lot of cases, for some people.

So you know, I don't know what the answer is for everybody. But I'm hoping that this film maybe helps some people recognize some things in themselves. But mostly for people who have mental conditions to feel empowered by the movie.

I hope that once the movie comes out, that the discussion will get much larger. And whether that's people on Instagram saying, oh, my God, this movie is me. Or you know, that some morning talk show that decides to talk about mental health. And I really-- that was really my goal, was just to get a conversation going around this.

ETHAN ALTER: How do you deal with your own anxiety now? What are some of the steps you do to--

KELLY OXFORD: Oh, my God. I have so many different steps. I've got therapy. I've got medication. I've got a glass of wine here and there. I've got, you know, nicotine. Whatever.

There's a lot of things. But you know, I was just saying earlier that music is a really great vice for people with anxiety. Listening to music is something that I try to do. I mean, I just naturally do, since I was a kid.

And it took me as an adult to realize, like, oh, my God. I've been-- I listen to music nonstop since I was a little kid, because it's self-soothing to me. And I think that that's probably a great vice for people who have anxiety to use. It's probably the healthiest for sure.

ETHAN ALTER: Are there any behaviors you know to avoid, or things that you know to stay away from? That's a good question. I don't actually stay away from things. I know there are social situations that put me in a state of fright and adrenaline, and things I don't like.

I don't like adrenaline at all, unless it's a fun ride. But as somebody with anxiety, the adrenaline that comes with anxiety isn't fun. And for me, that usually comes from things like this or social situations.

But I don't avoid those situations. Because then I wouldn't be able to to live my life. So I just go into them knowing who I am and what's going to happen. And if I start shaking or I start doing this or that, like that's just life. I'm just going to live with it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]