Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Oh, where to begin? Okay, first of all, Betty decides that she's going to fight for Henry. She tells him so, upon peril of vomiting, and he surprises her by saying that he broke up with Charlie. Woo, right? Well, hold that "woo" for now, because Charlie got herself knocked up, and Henry's going back with her to Tucson. But! Maybe get a half "woo," because Betty discovers from her perky dental hygienist (played by Kristen Chenoweth) that Charlie had been having an affair with good old Dr. Farkas for a few months. So the baby might not be Henry's!

Meanwhile, Bradford proposes to Wilhelmina. When she must battle Fabia for her date of choice at St. Patrick's Cathedral, she trades June 16 for Marc. I know! But after remembering all the good times she and Marc have had together, she pushes the wedding off until November and gets him back. This may or may not work out for her, as Claire and her friend Yoga used the oldest give-a-diabetic-a-candy-bar prison-break scam in the book, and appear to be well on their way to vengeance. Daniel is still hopped up on his mystery drug, and has to feign a story about saving a Girl Scout to explain the black eye he got when his thug drug dealer beat him up and robbed him. Betty buys it, and when she tells Alexis, who sees right through the bull, Alexis suggests that she call a press conference. Betty does, and Alexis predictably humiliates him.

After Daniel discovers that Bradford is marrying Wilhelmina, he is driven over the edge and takes way too many pills with way too much liquor. He goes to say goodbye to Alexis, and his heartfelt words to her, along with the fact that he is quite possibly going to OD, bring out some long-lost sibling love. Alexis quickly decides to take him to a hospital, but because all the cars are unavailable due to a party thrown by Paula Abdul, she decides to use Bradford's car. And you know how she hired that guy to off Bradford? Well, he apparently decided to cut Bradford's brakes. She discovers this a little too late, and the car crashes. The last we see of Daniel and Alexis, they are unconscious.

Amanda accidentally reveals Fey's Secret Love Dungeon to Christina, and the two women get locked in there together. They do some boozing and bonding, and when they crack the code to Fey's safe they discover a long held secret -- Fey is Amanda's mother. And then, saddest of all things. Justin fed Joey Colano some walnuts and he broke out in hives, which means that Justin gets to perform the lead in West Side Story. On the way to the show, Santos stops at a convenience store to get a card. And the convenience store is being robbed. And when Santos intervenes to try to take down the masked thief, he is shot. We don't actually see if he is dead or not, but things don't look good. The police come to the Suarez house and find Betty, who has to go to the school play and pull Hilda from the audience. As they talk in the hall, Hilda cries and wails and falls to the floor to the strains of "Somewhere", and Ugly Betty bids us adios for the season.

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